I've been terrible about planning for Meety Mondays the last couple weeks. I don't have an interview for this week. Again =/ That leads into another topic though, and with two shows coming up this weekend, it seems a perfect topic to write about. This one going to be is long and meandering!
I'm basically Fluttershy.
Lately I've started watching My Little Pony and I love it. How didn't I know this cartoon was awesome sooner? Anyways...I often feel like I'm watching a cartoon of myself when Fluttershy shows up in an epsiode. So many things she does I've done, or wanted to do! Just not as cartoon exaggerated. Doesn't hurt the similarities that she is also the animal loving pony. We both even have a pet that often isn't that nice to us! I'm pretty sure I'm not even close to as super duper nice as her, but the social anxieties are pretty spot on.
I could go on and on about different scenes where I've felt the way Fluttershy feels or have done or wanted to do what Fluttershy is doing. If you've seen this show, and know me, this totally makes sense to you.
For those who don't watch My Little Pony....I'm shy. Super shy. I'm a keep to myself type of person and I enjoy quiet. I'm bad at conversation. I can't ever seem to start one and I'm pretty terrible at keeping one going. I'm super nervous around new people. If I'm around more than 2 people that I don't know really well, I'm instantly uneasy. Compliments, though always appreciated, make me uncomfortable and I don't know what to do with them. I've got a voice that no one seems able to hear, that just seems to blend into the background noise. I don't like drawing attention to myself or confrontation and I constantly worry about what people think of me.
What does this have to do with Meety Monday and shows?
I've been terrible at asking for Meety Monday interviews because I'm overly worried about contacting new people to do a blog post. Mostly I've asked people I know and have interacted with online. I'm scared to contact people randomly about it. What if they feel like I'm bothering them? Or being spammy? Or are offended to be asked by such a little known blog? I know these are silly and mostly unfounded reasons but I still can't help worry about them. Talking to new people, even in email, makes me super nervous!
And events. Shows are way outside of my comfort zone. It is a whole day of talking and interacting with people I don't know. I'm quiet and people often can't hear me, even when I think I'm speaking up! I never know what to say to people. I worry I seem unfriendly and awkward which only makes me more nervous and uncomfortable and awkward. I love talking about the Squshies, but after years of working retail I'm always worried about coming off as pushy or sales persony, making my ability to converse even worse!
Back to the ponies!
Pinkie Pie is my 2nd favorite pony. At first I found her obnoxious, probably because she is so not like me! Except for our love of cake. We've totally got that in common. She's fun loving, wacky, and 100% herself all the time. Never self conscious. I've grown to realize Pinkie Pie is the pony I want to be!
I want to be less shy. I want to worry less about what people think of me. I want to let my wackiness out and totally be myself and not be weighed down by my inhibitions. I want to be better at having fun and letting loose whenever, not just when I'm at home or with 1 or 2 close friends. I want to say things with out constantly over thinking.
Which is one of many reasons I love the Squshies. They slowly but surely are helping me overcome some of my social anxieties. They help me put myself out there. Being active on social media is out of my comfort zone, but over the last couples years I've become more comfortable with it. I'm better at interacting with people online and have gone from dreading it to usually enjoying it (sometimes those shy hermit like tendencies take over). I even occasionally write a blog post that is personal!
Which why I love doing shows. They help push me to overcome my social anxieties and shyness. I enjoy getting out of my work space and interacting with people. I love seeing everyone react to the Squshies in person. I love talking about the Squshies and seeing them find homes. I love being around other artists and seeing their work and their passion for what they do.
All of these aspects of doing shows make me nervous and anxious and I'm not very good at doing these things yet, but I am doing them! That's the first step to getting better at something and making me a little bit closer to being a little less Fluttershy and a little bit more Pinkie Pie.